Feelings and Emotions

Posted on Fri Jun 30th, 2023 @ 8:06pm by Lieutenant Evelyn Stewart
Edited on on Mon Jul 3rd, 2023 @ 11:46pm

1,979 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Prologue: Centre Predominate
Location: USS Moore - Evelyn Stewart’s Quarters
Timeline: MD 12: 2100 hrs

Evelyn sighed heavily at her aches as she poured herself a healthy glass of bourbon before taking down her braid and stripping her filthy uniform off down to the tank top underneath. She spent that last six hours crawling around the Ktarian’s cargo freighter, looking for signs of secret compartments and indications they were smugglers. She spent her teenage years around such kind and knew where the best hid their contraband.

Instead of joining the others at the DMZ, Evelyn decided a nice sonic shower and a quiet night in her quarters was in order. But first, she needed a drink. Taking a sip, she felt herself relax. “Computer, play some Vulcan etudes. Random composer.” She ordered our before hearing the lyre music begin softly.

Stryvek had spent the bulk of the day performing general duties. Thankfully there had not been anything out of the ordinary with that freighter thus far. He decided that he would take a moment and see if Lieutenant Stewart would be up for talking. There had been a misunderstanding the other night in the DMZ and while she had performed her duties with pure professionalism Stryvek thought that as Captain he would have to bury the hatchet as the phrase went. So he found himself in front of her quarters and pressing the door chime.

Evelyn sighed as she just took a long drink of her bourbon, deciding to finish it before her shower. She was almost in a meditative trance just from listening to the music, remembering fonder memories of watching Senril practice with the etudes when she was interrupted by the announcement of a guest.

Instead of calling from the desk, she moved to the door to answer it directly. She learned from her time on Vulcan that one’s quarters were a sanctuary to be protect. Tapping the controls, she was surprised who was on the other side of the door. “Captain…?”

"Lieutenant I must speak with you. That is if right now is a good time?" Stryvek stood there with his hands behind his back. He would not order her to have this conversation for that would be foolish. However, if she did not want to talk now he would see to it that the conversation ocurred when she was on duty.

Stewart was about to ask if there was something wrong when she realized the Captain would have just called her on the comm to report to the bridge or wherever. No, he was here for a personal matter, most likely because of their exchange in the DMZ. It was the most logical.

Taking a moment she narrowed her eyes to consider her options before stepping back to let him in. “Come in…can I get you anything?” she asked with no genuine enthusiasm. It was clear she was doing it out of politeness. She went back to her bourbon, waiting on the desk.

Stryvek took a quick look around as he entered the quarters. He was both pleased and surprised to see the Vulcan influence in her decor and the way her quarters had been set up. It seemed that she even had a meditation corner. With all her shunning of Vulcan and what it had to offer this was indeed a surprise. "Some Vulcan tea would be welcome. Thank you." He replied to her offer. "I wish to explain what occurred yesterday evening. I was not attempting to sway you to the path of Surak. You seem to think that was what I was doing. In fact I was attempting to make you see that you could be the one being to walk the line between that which is human and the path of Surak."

Stewart resisted the urge to sigh as she got up and placed the order in the replicator for his tea. His request telling her he intended to stay a while. Her brow furrowed at his statement as the tea materialized. “And here I was thinking you came here to apologize for your behavior.” She said sarcastically as she handed him his beverage. She realized she was being rude herself in the moment but was too exhausted to put up an act. Their exchange in the lounge brought a lot of difficult emotions and uncomfortable memories, beyond just her time on Vulcan.

Once she handed the man his tea, Evelyn moved back to leaning on the edge of her desk, intentionally putting some physical distance between them, and took another long sip of her bourbon. “Why?” She asked to what he said about being in a unique position as she poured herself another healthy glass. The conversation putting her on edge.

"The evidence is indeed around us. It seems that although you do not like being raised on Vulcan, Vulcan has had its influence upon you. You use your emotions to guide you rather than allow them to control you. It is quite refreshing..." Stryvek paused to take a sip of the tea, replicated is never quite the same as fresh however it would due. He would have to see to it that Stewart got a proper tea set. "...If it helps I am sorry for the exchange in the DMZ." The apology came without emotion, however, it did not mean that he did not mean it.

Stewart looked at Stryvek with genuine surprise. Not only for the apology, which she knew took a lot for a Vulcan to swallow their pride, but also for his surprising understanding of her and her emotions. It took her a moment to recover before she nodded. “Thank you.” She said politely for his apology. “And I am sorry…for the things I said about Vulcans and their culture. It was inappropriate.” She reflected sincerely.

Feeling an awkward silence, Evelyn sighed as she took her drink and moved towards the window watching the star streaks but also just looking around the room at anything by the Captain. “It’s not that I hate everything Vulcan.” She explained, feeling compelled to justify her behavior. “I actually prefer speaking in Vulcan, truthfully.” She took a sip of her bourbon before continuing. “There is a lot of beauty in your culture, in the simplicity of it. But when my mother died, my father left with me with strangers.” With a heavy sigh, Evelyn tried to push down the memories and the emotions with them. She was so young when she was first brought to Vulcan that she didn’t remember much. Her memories just mostly being a handful of images as well as feelings of confusion, sadness and mostly fear.

Taking a long drink, she nearly finished her glass and went back to the desk, considering pouring another. “I don’t blame Senril or Tomran. They did the best they could. I understand that. But I was a scared and confused little girl. I needed love and support not logic and exercises to control my emotions…have you ever wondered why non-Vulcans families do not settle there?” She asked him. She had no idea why she was telling a Vulcan this. He had no emotional response to it.

Stryvek was pretty sure he knew why non Vulcans did not settle on his home world. However, he sensed that Stewart did not want an answer, she had something to say he should simply allow her to say it. "You have to understand that for Vulcans logic and exercises is the equivalent of love an support."

Evelyn nodded in agreement as she finished the last of her glass. “And there in lies the flaw in the logic.” She commented. “What may work for Vulcans does not work for everyone. For such an enlightened species, yours fails to see the obvious sometimes.” She pointed out. Despite the harsh criticism, there was no emotion in the statement.

With a sigh, Evelyn moved to sit on the couch, mindful for some reason to keep distance between them as she looked at Stryvek. “As I said, I don’t blame Senril or Tomran. They did what they thought was best, what they know. The problem lies in Vulcan society.” She said bluntly, pausing for a moment for the idea to set in for him before continuing. “Non-Vulcan families do not settle on Vulcans because they are held to such high Vulcan standards. Believe me, I am grateful. I am aware I received an excellent education and wouldn’t be where I am without it. But at the same time, no matter how well one does, or how many successes and achievements, it is always impressive “for a non-Vulcan”. You could be the brightest student, met the same expectations as all Vulcans, even surpassed them, but it is not good enough because no matter what you are not a Vulcan, and the Vulcans never ceased to remind you of that. Even amongst your own kind you do this! Ambassador Spock was called an admirable and logical being, but in many circles, not a true Vulcan.”

Stryvek nodded in agreement, fact was her logic was impeccable. He knew that his people had a tendency to hold everyone to the same standard as Vulcans. However, she would have to understand that was a feature in all cultures. "Is that not the case everywhere? When I arrived on Earth for Starfleet Academy I was scrutinized for having no emotion. In a literature course I was asked why the writings of ancient human poets did not move me to tears. So, I put to you that your argument could be made for any species on their homeworld. You are expected to act as everyone acts on that planet, or in that area." He tried to meet her halfway, and he hoped that she saw that. She was a fascinating individual, and the fact that fascination was as close to attraction as a Vulcan got was not lost on Stryvek.

Evelyn nodded in her agreement as she leaned forward, towards the Vulcan as she argued with a controlled passion. Stryvek made a valid point, but he was missing hers. It was one thing to have biases, another to be bigoted. Just because Vulcans were pacifists did not make the fact they considered themselves superior to most races acceptable.

“I agree, but…” Evelyn stopped as she realized she was getting sucked into another debate with this man, just like the other day at the DMZ, about Vulcan society no less. What more she found the debate not only stimulating but enjoyable. She realized the easy conversation between the two of them, the natural chemistry. And she didn’t like it. Taking a breath, Stewart sat back. She was exhausted, covered in grime and was starting to feel the effects of having two large bourbons in such quick succession. “But that is a debate for another day.” She said politely. “Forgive me, Captain, but it has been a long day. Perhaps it’s best we continue this discussion another time.” She offered diplomatically as she stood to walk him to the door.

Stryvek rose from the couch. "Of course Lieutenant. I apologize for keeping you at this late hour." He made his way to the door and with a slight glance over his shoulder. "Another time. Have a good evening." Stryvek turned and left her quarters. He knew but refused to admit that things were about to get fascinating.

Evelyn let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding when the doors shut behind the Captain. She shook her head absurd notion of being remotely attracted to Stryvek in anyway. It was ridiculous. He was her commanding officer and more importantly a Vulcan. She recycled their glasses in the replicator before heading for the bathroom, pulling off what was left of her filthy uniform and started the sonic shower, trying hard not to think about the man.

 

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