Lowered Guard

Posted on Wed Mar 19th, 2025 @ 9:00am by Lieutenant Evelyn Stewart & Lieutenant JG Koaruh Avestro
Edited on on Wed Mar 19th, 2025 @ 11:13am

3,256 words; about a 16 minute read

Mission: Year One: Strange Bedfellows
Location: USS Moore - Evelyn Stewart's Quarters
Timeline: MD 035 - 1830 hrs

Stewart focused on her breath as best she could, following it inward. It didn't take long for her to hear and feel a familiar presence within herself and she broke her concentration. Glancing her quarters from the vantage point of her meditation corner. With a deep sigh, the lieutenant squeezed hard from the outer edge of her eyes to the bridge of her nose in frustration. Slumping in defeat, Evelyn let her posture slouch before she rose from the floor and made her way over to the small table of her newly restocked supply of alcohol. At least the Orion freighter proved to be good for something.

The door chime rang as Koaruh's finger left a small mark on the door panel. He'd brought a bottle of something he knew Evelyn liked, an excuse to go to her quarters, not that he needed one. He could feel her emotions from every part of the ship and no matter how hard he tried to push them aside it hit him in waves. He cared for Evelyn, that was never in question, but he was here because she was hurting and what kind of counsellor would he be, what kind of friend if he let her suffer?

Stewart had just taken off the stopper to the bottle she had selected when the chime to her quarters went off. With a frustrated groan, she replaced the stopper and put the bottle down and walked to the door. She had desperately wanted to be alone. She’d meet whomever interrupted her night of binging and numbing herself at the door to make it clear they were unwanted. Taking a breath to calm her irritation, Stewart tapped the controls to the door. “Koaruh? Please, come in. What can I do for you?” She asked as she stepped aside to let the Betazoid in.

"You almost had me turning back after I rang that doorbell." Koaruh teased with a grin but also hinting he felt her frustration from the other side of the door. "And do I need a reason to bring a bottle of alcohol to your door? I mean I can go back?" he pointed down the corridor. "I'm sure I can drag Sophie out on a... what do you Humans call it? A school night?"

Evelyn gave a small smirk as she walked with him back to the table she kept her spirits at. “First sleeping with your patients, now indulging them in their vices. I don’t know if I should thank you or write up a report.” She teased before taking the bottle, inspecting it. “Ktarian wine. 2361. A good year, but what do I owe the pleasure?” She asked, suspiciously as she replicated some wine glasses before pouring each of them a healthy glass, perhaps too healthy as she waited for the counselor’s explanation for being in her quarters.

"You weren't a patient." Koaruh grinned. "You were my salvation from this drab excuse for a ship!"

He went to sit down as he watched Evelyn bring the glasses over. "And of course it's a good year. Do you think I'd bring you swill? You think I'd drink subpar wine? Please! Do you even know me!" he mocked heartbreak. "And I'm here because I wanted a drink." he lied. "Who else on this ship can hold their alcohol as well as me?" he asked rhetorically. This was of course all an excuse to check in on her.

Evelyn laughed at Koaruh’s exaggeration before handing him his glass. She moved to the small couch across from his chair and curled up into the corner, making herself comfortable. “You know for a Betazoid, you’re not the most honest. Come to think of it, you aren’t exactly the best liar either based on your poker playing.” She commented, showing him she wasn’t buying his story and she had her suspicions why he really came. “So why don’t you stop lying and tell me the truth?”

"Everyone lies Evelyn." Koaruh shrugged. "Some better than others, although I am happy that my experience in half truths and misdirection is easy to spot. I prefer heart on sleeve approach as Humans say. I'm here for you, to see how you are. You make it hard for a Betazoid not to notice that maybe you could use someone to talk to... or drink with." he accepted the glass from her.

Evelyn shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she set her jaw against the rise of sudden emotion she felt. She worked hard to push down the sudden grief at Stryvek's passing and annoyance at Koaruh's question. She knew logically what he was doing, it didn't mean she wanted to embrace it. With a breath she shoved her emotions down further, hoping repressing them enough that Koaruh wouldn't be able to sense them. "I'm fine." She lied easily as she took a sip of her wine.

Being a trained counsellor he didn't need his Betazoid abilities to help people. They were a huge bonus, but there were those species that he couldn't read to his training in regards to body language and tone of voice were always helpful. What you didn't say also spoke volumes.

There was a pause, a telling one, before Evelyn responded. He knew she was lying, her body betrayed her words. "Okay then. Let's just drink and talk nonsense until we want to get another bottle. What do you think of the new CO?" he asked controlling the start of the conversation.

Stewart relaxed when Koaruh didn’t press her. They both knew the situation but the fact he wasn’t pushing her like most counselors would made her respect him more. Taking another sip, she sat back into the couch. “What about him? I’ve known Cal-the Commander for years. He’s a good guy.” She explained, blushing at her slip up in formality.

"Ahh Cal is it?" Koaruh took a long and loud sip. "Strapping big guy, heard he used to be a pilot. Is that how you know him? Did you and he share a cockpit?" he grinned as if looking for gossip.

Stewart laughed and took another long drink, emptying half her glass. “It was a long time ago. We were assigned to the same academy for a few months when he was still a lieutenant commander and I was an instructor there.

"Must have been hard to find proper things to do if you guys all got cosied up by the fire." Koaruh surmised. "You've never talked about your instructor days. Do you miss them?"

Evelyn swirled her wine in her glass as she sat in contemplation. She rarely thought about her time as an instructor. It was a complicated time in her life. She was given the assignment as the only option the be able to stay in Starfleet, she was on again and off with Remy for years as they tried to sort out their feelings, it was a life on monotony and tedium especially once she was transferred to Upisilon. “Yeah, training a bunch of higher ranked officers on how to do maneuvers I can do in my sleep. What every pilot wants to do straight out of the academy.” She said sarcastically, finishing her wine in another big drink.

"Well most don't choose to throw legs over superior officers in the academy either... didn't stop you." Koaruh teased. "They did break the latinum mould when they made you and I wouldn't change a thing!" he grinned and tipped his glass towards her before downing its contents. "Sometimes shit assignments lead the way to appreciating better ones. Like being here, with me." his grin grew wider.

Stewart laughed at his joke and stood to pour herself another glass. Her eyes roamed the room and Koaruh’s words hit home regarding appreciating better assignments. Her mind drifted back to the last time she was in her quarters with Stryvek. It was the last time they were able to have a private night together. Remembering how they fought, yet again, the things that were said, she felt an intense sense of guilt and shame over what was said and how she acted.

Silently scolding herself for her temper and inability to control her emotions then and now. “I fought with him. The last thing I said to him was that he was like every other Vulcan and told him to leave….” She said out loud, practically confessing it. She shook her head as she silently berated herself in her head for her childish behavior and stupidity as she moved to the table to pour herself another glass, desperately trying to stay angry with herself but instead feeling such immense grief taking over. Tears rolled down her cheeks on their own. The results of the bond being severed meant her feelings were that much more intense and difficult to predict or control. It only made her more furious, more exhausted. She couldn’t sleep most nights without drinking herself into a stupor in order to be numb and feel nothing, or pass out whichever came first.

"Vulcan's can be..." Koaruh paused to choose his words carefully. "frustrating." He chose for lack of a more aggressive word. "For those of us that feel so strongly to go up against someone with a lack of emotion at all can be difficult as they simply don't comprehend our point of view. We are shaped by our emotions, they make us who we are, impact our decisions. However, Vulcan's don't suffer from hurt feelings so I guess a positive to take from you telling him to leave, your fight with him, didn't hurt him. If may have confused him, but all highly emotional species would probably do that."

Stewart wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her uniform and poured another glass of wine for herself, quickly chugging it down. Taking a breath to try and collect herself she focused on pouring herself a third glass as she shook her head, not wanting Koaruh seeing her cry or this upset.

“You don’t understand. It’s like…it’s like losing a part of myself. I can still feel him there but I can see he’s not. I’m not able to make up for the things I said to him or explain. I…I was jealous of T’Mara, worried what that would mean to our relationship having another proper Vulcan mate to choose. I was scared and tried to push him away not wanting him and he could feel that, even if it was just in that moment.” She admitted about her feelings and the bond. Even though Vulcans couldn’t express their emotions, it don’t mean they didn’t have any and the mating bond allowed him to feel what she was feeling, even if she wasn’t there.

Trying to get control of herself, Stewart took her hair down, shaking what was left of her braid loose as she ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to focus on her breathing to still her body.

"I think that in his final moments he would have been grateful for the bond you two shared. I can't claim to have known the captain well, but if he was comfortable enough to bond with you in the first place then your joining was greater and more complex than normal." Koaruh responded. "I can't begin to understand that type of loss, I can only try and empathise with you and tell you that I'm here for you. There are not many who know love in this galaxy, and I am often envious of those that do..." he shrugged to himself. "Showing jealousy, admitting fear shows you truly cared for him. If your bond allowed him to feel as you do then he knew that those were surface feelings, anxieties but more so he would have felt the deep connection between you too, the love that fuelled such passionate exchanges between you two."

Evelyn took the bottle of wine with her on her way back to the couch. Sipping her own glass she looked at Koaruh. “I told you, it wasn’t passionate beyond the initial bonding.” She commented to the Betazoid in a much calmer, more controlled voice. She was referring to the reason why she slept with Koaruh so often when first becoming involved with the Vulcan.

"Your conversations with him were passionate, one sided maybe but that doesn't diminish your capacity for release. You have such strong emotion no matter how you well you think you hide it Ev." Koaruh explained better. "I don't need to delve into your mind, and never would, to know you very much wear your heart on your sleeve about most things. Your body language tells more than your mouth ever does, and that's for everyone. Not just you."

Evelyn set her jaw at Koaruh’s assessment. She could feel herself getting defensive but instead of shouting at him, she leaned forward. “And what does my body language say about this?” She leaned forward and kissed his lips slowly and sensually, like she used to.

"That you are seeking comfort in the arms, and lips, of a roguishly handsome and irresistible Betazoid of modest skill." Koaruh smirked. "And I can't blame you. After several glasses of wine I look great to anyone." he teased.

Evelyn smiled and took in the Betazoid’s handsome face. “Read my mind.” She said softly against his lips meaningfully.

Koaruh pulled his head back a bit and on his face was the uncommon sight of a small frown. "What?" he asked as if he hadn't heard her. "You told me you never wanted me to do that."

“I know what I said.” Stewart said, her tone serious. Evelyn looked into Koaruh’s black eyes to show she was sincere. “How else are you supposed to know it’s not the wine?” She said slightly more playful to try to ease the tension but still looking at him expectedly.

"You know asking a Betazoid to do this is a very serious and intimate thing?" he asked making sure she knew what she was asking. "Entering someone's mind is like walking for the first time. It can be messy and overwhelming, for both of us. Plus I like part of it being the wine, wine is classy."

“Isn’t that only when there are feelings back?” She asked after the imzadi term, teasing the Betazoid bachelor about possibly being more serious than he lets on.

"Entering someone's mind is intimate in all sorts of ways." Koaruh shrugged. "Doesn't always mean sexual or need to have feelings involved." he deflected even though he wasn't wrong in what he said. "That being said, I'd never deny you what you want." he smirked as he placed his hands on her waist.

Stewart relaxed as best she could. She knew Betazoids were powerful telepaths and it wouldn’t take any effort for Koaruh to overwhelm any sort of willpower she had to stop him, it didn’t mean she wasn’t slightly anxious at the thought. She felt different in an instant. She was calmer, more relaxed - truly relaxed.

Koaruh felt a slight push against his entry into Evelyn's mind. It was chaotic at first, so much emotion, loose memories and random thoughts that most people have in their day to day. She seemed to need this more than they both realised. "Ev..." Koaruh spoke inside her mind. "I'm here." he said as he pushed out a wave of more calm. That's what it felt like, a wave, the tide coming in and washing away anxieties. Betazoid's were trained how to navigate minds, emotions and memories but that didn't make what he was doing easy, or any less challenging for him to maintain.

Stewart took a sharp intake of air when she heard Koaruh’s voice in her mind. This was different than she and Stryvek joined minds during his Pon Farr. It wasn’t chaotic and intense. It was soft and warm, peaceful. She couldn’t speak back to Koaruh with her mind since it was not a merging of minds. But it was a peculiar sensation, he would know everything racing through her mind and what she felt. The honesty and vulnerability was strangely liberating in the moment.

Keeping her eyes closed to focus on Koaruh’s presence in her mind, Evelyn leaned forward, her lips blindly searching for his in the intimate moment. Her hands ran up the front of his uniform to around his neck to pull the man closer when their lips finally did connect.

The touching of lips ignited Evelyn's brain. Synapses fired at the sensation of of skin on skin, the feelings born of intimate contact and adrenaline formed of the act itself. Koaruh's eyes opened, the blackness of them searching Evelyn's face for anything that betrayed her mind but he found none.

Evelyn watched Koaruh’s face, trying to gain any insight into what he was thinking before she focused on his black eyes. “What is it?” She asked in a timid whisper. She was scared. She was utterly exposed to Koaruh in every way and a nervous excitement mixed with fear of being rejected caused her breathing to grow shallow. She affectionately stroked the edge of his jaw with her thumb from where her hands were still around his neck, trying to read Koaruh’s handsome features as to what he was thinking.

"Your mind is far more beautiful than you realise Ev." Koaruh said simply. "I know this wasn't easy for you but know I am here now with you with everything I am and all that you are." he pushed his hand through the hair on the side of her head revealing more of her face. There was a softness to it that he rarely saw and the feeling of her touch on his face made that hit home even more.

In a moment of intrigue Koaruh sent a feeling, a pulse of excitement and exhilaration through Evelyn's mind. His intention very clear as to how he wanted the next couple of hours to go. The feeling being sent would light up her mind like a Christmas tree and heighten her feelings making her more sensitive to touch.

Evelyn gasped at the sensation and understood immediately why Koaruh suggested using his telepathic abilities the first time they slept together. Just that jolt of excitement alone was euphoric. Taking a deeper breath, she looked in Koaruh’s black eyes again. “Evie.” She corrected him, knowing he’d understand the significance of that name and how it was so rare she let anyone call her that.

Despite not being able to read his mind, Stewart understood his intentions. She had no idea what it meant for their relationship, if this was a relationship, but she didn’t care about that. She focused on the moment with him, the openness. She leaned forward again and kissed his lips tenderly, moaning softly at how more sensitive it was than a moment again. Despite her best efforts to remain soft and tender, Stewart could feel her intense passion just below the surface that she was sure Koaruh could sense. Deepening the kiss she began pulling off both of their uniform jackets, having the same intent as the Betazoid to not leave her quarters for several hours.

 

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